Motherhood from a Place of Lack
With Mother's Day being yesterday, I wanted to share some thoughts swirling around my head concerning motherhood in this season of my life. I watched a Periscope from Gretchen of Life Lived Beautifully last week that spoke straight to my heart and was exactly what I needed to hear in that moment. She spoke on Mark 6:30-44, where Jesus fed 5,000 people from only a few loaves of bread and fish. Her message was of God's abundance in the midst of our lack, and man this pierced my heart, and renewed my soul when I heard it.
Because earlier that morning, I was sitting on the coach, trying desperately to spend some much needed time with Jesus, and a little girl was sitting at the kitchen table, joyfully enjoying breakfast and telling me all about it. I was like "mmhmm" "stop talking to me" and so short with her. I kept reading the same sentence over and over again. I became frustrated and probably said some harsh words. Y'all, while trying to study my Bible. So stupid. So revealing. I had to look in the mirror of my imperfection and just admit my lack, my emptiness.
There are so many voices telling us what to do as mom's....from breastfeeding to circumcision, to organic food, to homeschool, on and on and on. It's draining and isolating. There are just so many voices telling us that we aren't good enough. Now this is a message I don't need reinforced. I've heard it time and time again from relationships (toxic and otherwise), media, culture and my own insecurities accusing me. In the midst of all this noise, there is another voice - the voice of Jesus telling us that we can come to Him, weary and burdened, and find rest, true rest, and abundant connection with Him.
The Gospel says bring your lack, bring your nothing, and come sit at the feet of Jesus, allowing Him to make MUCH of the little you bring. These people didn't have much at all, just a few loaves of bread and fish, and yet God multiplied their lack and fed 5,000 people, with more to spare. This is an aspect of God's character I'm claiming over and over again in these days at home with littles - His abundance. Not only does He desire to make the little I have fill up my cup, but He wants my cup to overflow.
Right now I'm staring out our back window at Reaghan playing. I gave her a tub of water, some toys and a cup and what do I see? She's watering our herbs. My initial reaction is to tell her to stop, yet when I think about it for a minute, I realize she's copying her mama. God has given me a gift in her, He has brought me close to Him in mothering her, and I am reminded He makes much of nothing. These are the moments of cup-overflowing-ness that sweep over me on days (like today) when I'm feeling incredibly desperate and needy.
The beauty in this is that it's exactly where God wants us to be. When we feel a little bit great, a little bit like a rock star mom, all our ducklings in a row...it's not that He's not pleased by that...rather, I think He gets the most joy and honor when we find our ultimate comfort in Him alone. No perfection of our own, no check marks to fall back on. Because when I'm face down on the carpet crying out to God for help, He meets me, tangibly, in the most real way. My emotions don't always follow with bright cheeriness, but my soul is anchored, it's secure. Those are the days I think God, our Heavenly dad, smiles at us and says "I love you so much, my baby."
Photography by Casandra Hawkins